{"id":1075,"date":"2021-05-06T18:28:49","date_gmt":"2021-05-06T18:28:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/?p=1075"},"modified":"2022-01-23T22:52:59","modified_gmt":"2022-01-23T22:52:59","slug":"nic-and-vivs-compulsory-courtship-by-will-mcintosh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/?p=1075","title":{"rendered":"Nic and Viv\u2019s Compulsory Courtship by Will McIntosh"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Nic and Viv\u2019s Compulsory Courtship<\/em><\/strong> by Will McIntosh (Asimov\u2019s SF<\/em>, July-August 2020) sees Viv and her partner Ferruki out on a date when the Hempstead town AI texts her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOOD EVENING VIV. THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT, BASED ON AN ADVANCED ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY ANALYTIC I\u2019VE BEEN DEVELOPING, I HAVE IDENTIFIED AN IDEAL PARTNER FOR YOU. I\u2019D LIKE THE TWO OF YOU TO MEET TOMORROW AT 6 P.M., AT TANGERINE TOWER ROOFTOP CAFE. IN FACT I\u2019M SO CONFIDENT IN MY CALL ON THIS THAT I THINK WE SHOULD TENTATIVELY SCHEDULE THE WEDDING DATE! THIS IS A NEW SERVICE I\u2019M PERFORMING TO IMPROVE THE WELL-BEING OF OUR COMMUNITY, AND NO ONE WILL BENEFIT MORE THAN YOU AND NICHOLAS.
LOVE,
JOURNEY<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Viv calls Journey to protest, pointing out she is already engaged to Ferruki (as the AI knows) and, in any event, she doesn\u2019t need its advice on dating. However, when Viv refuses to meet her suggested date, Journey threatens to throw her out of the high-tech paradise that is Hempstead. Although Viv realises she could appeal to the Town Council, that would (a) take time, and (b) probably be futile as the council usually agrees with the AI\u2019s decisions\u2014so she decides to go through with the date. Then she finds out that Nic is the janitor at the hospital where she works as a doctor.
The rest of the story proceeds along standard rom-com lines with the two of them reluctantly meeting for their date. When they do so Viv sees that Nic looks like a Neanderthal type who (a) also has a girlfriend, Persephone, and (b) doesn\u2019t know the difference between \u201cmoot\u201d and \u201cmute\u201d. Then Viv\u2019s fianc\u00e9 Ferruki arrives and drops a hint about his forthcoming karate black belt test. After Ferruki leaves, Nic tells Viv her fianc\u00e9 is obviously insecure, but Viv defends Ferruki\u2019s \u201cenrichment activity\u201d and then asks what Nic\u2019s is: he says he does interpretative dance.
Their date does not go well so Journey ends up insisting that they make a proper effort to get to know each other. It then offers them 10,000 bucks if they meet for eight dates\u2014or else. The pair reluctantly agree, and these dates (the Mars sim, a visit to a food bank, etc.) provide some hilarious set pieces, in particular the one where they are both in a steam tent with a female \u201cexperience leader\u201d called Sharon who is trying to get the group to connect with their inner selves. Sharon hears one member\u2019s traumatic experience before moving on to Nic:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharon pressed her fist to her palm and bowed slightly to Rita. \u201cThat\u2019s a powerful insight. Thank you for sharing.\u201d She looked at Nic, who was next in the circle. \u201cNic? Do you have anything to share?\u201d
Nic wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. \u201cI\u2019m hot. I\u2019m really hot.\u201d
Sharon\u2019s smile was kind, if a little tight. It had grown tighter each time Nic\u2019s turn had come around. \u201cDig deeper, Nic. What do you feel?\u201d
Nic squeezed his eyes closed. \u201cI feel hot. I wish I had a giant block of ice I could lie on.\u201d
Viv bit her lip, keeping her gaze on the flames. She knew if she looked at Nic, she\u2019d lose it.
\u201cOkay. We\u2019ll come back around to you. Keep digging.\u201d Sharon looked at Viv, her smile relaxing. \u201cHow about you, Viv? How do you feel?\u201d
Viv stifled a laugh. Hot<\/em>, she was dying to say. Really, really hot<\/em>. This was serious, so she kept the joke to herself. \u201cI was thinking about the purpose of this ritual, whether we create this artificial suffering as a means of reaching an altered state of consciousness, or if it\u2019s really some sort of proving ground, to show we can take it, something to brag about to our friends.\u201d
\u201cInteresting,\u201d Sharon said. \u201cTry to draw that back to your own experience. Are you, personally, using it as a proving ground? Do you feel you have something to prove to your friends? Try to push through your intellect, dig down to how you feel.\u201d
I feel hot<\/em>. It was on the tip of her tongue, and it was suddenly the funniest thing Viv had ever thought. She bit her lip harder, trying not to laugh. Everyone in the circle had been pouring out their souls, speaking their truths. Except Nic. Each time his turn had come, he\u2019d said the same thing: I feel hot<\/em>. Each time he said it, it got funnier.
Sharon moved on. \u201cBeto. How do you feel?\u201d
I feel really fucking hot<\/em>. Viv burst out laughing. She couldn\u2019t hold it in anymore. She laughed so hard her stomach hurt, even though everyone was staring at her, confused.
\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she managed. \u201cI\u2019m just so hot<\/em>.\u201d
\u201cRight?\u201d Nic said. \u201cThank you.\u201d  p. 29<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

As well as the set pieces the story is also peppered with some very funny one liners:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShoot. I just remembered I have work in the morning,\u201d Viv said.
\u201cYeah. Me, too. There\u2019s a toilet I need to replace.\u201d
Viv laughed. \u201cYou sound almost eager to get in there and replace that toilet.\u201d
Nic shrugged. \u201cI get a lot of satisfaction from replacing a toilet, so it\u2019s a win-win for me.\u201d
\u201cWhat is it about replacing a toilet that gives you satisfaction?\u201d
Nic studied her face. \u201cIs that a serious question, or are you just mocking me?\u201d
\u201cMostly I\u2019m just mocking, but I\u2019d like to hear your answer, in case it\u2019s mockable, too.\u201d  p. 32<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Apart from the almost continual hilarity (I laughed out loud several times) provided by both Viv and Nic and their partner\u2019s interactions, the pair also discover that the reason that Journey has embarked on this matchmaking endeavour is because its contract is up for renewal, and it fears it will be scrapped in favour of a newer model AI. Viv also finds out that Journey is partly made of human material and is a cyborg of sorts.
The story eventually rolls round to its (spoiler) admittedly predictable but satisfying conclusion. The dates end without the successful conclusion that Journey wanted to show its continual worth, and it then finds out that it is going to be replaced. Nic (who has now split up with Persephone) confesses his love to Viv, but she knocks him back. Then Nic invites Viv to his solo dance recital, another hugely funny set piece that shows Nic to be a not particularly skilled but wildly enthusiastic dancer. During his performance Nic offers to improvise to any music or sounds the audience offers, and we subsequently see his car-crash interpretation of drum music, a baby crying (Ferruki\u2019s sniping choice), an Albanian ballad, a bear roaring, etc. During this, Ferruki, who has accompanied Viv to the perfomance, provides a constant stream of sarcasm and disdain and, when he and Viv are later trapped in an elevator for several hours, she eventually climbs out of the top of it to get away from him. They later split up.
The final section sees Viv and Nic get together. Then they rescue Journey, and take the AI to improve a neighbouring township that is less successful. The story ends a few years on with Journey talking to the couple\u2019s daughter Lucy.
With this level of comedic talent, McIntosh should be working in Hollywood, not SF.
****+ (Very good-Excellent). 17,600 words.
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Nic and Viv\u2019s Compulsory Courtship by Will McIntosh (Asimov\u2019s SF, July-August 2020) sees Viv and her partner Ferruki out on a date when the Hempstead town AI texts her: GOOD EVENING VIV. THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT, BASED ON AN ADVANCED ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY ANALYTIC I\u2019VE BEEN DEVELOPING, I HAVE IDENTIFIED AN IDEAL PARTNER FOR […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[303],"tags":[296,300,4,29,299],"class_list":["post-1075","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-will-mcintosh","tag-296","tag-4-5","tag-asimovs-sf","tag-novella","tag-will-mcintosh"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1075","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1075"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1075\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2567,"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1075\/revisions\/2567"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1075"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1075"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sfshortstories.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1075"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}