God of the Naked Unicorn by Richard Lupoff [as by Ova Hamlet1] (Fantastic, August 1976) is one of a series of author parodies—although this one doesn’t concentrate one writer but mashes up Dr Watson and various pulp action heroes. The story begins with Watson, after another failed marriage, returning to Baker Street in search of accommodation only to find that Sherlock Holmes no longer lives there (he has apparently retired to keep bees). Watson rents a flat in a down-and-out area and is almost immediately visited by ‘The Woman.’ After learning of Holmes’ retirement she reveals the purpose of her visit:
“The God of the Naked Unicorn has been stolen.”
“The God of the Naked Unicorn!” I exclaimed.
“The God of the Naked Unicom!”
“No!” I blurted incredulously.
“Yes!” she replied coolly. “The God of the Naked Unicorn!”
“But—but how can that be? The greatest national art treasure of the nation of—”
“Shh!” She silenced me with a sound and a look and a renewed pressure of fingertips to wrist. “Please!
Even in more familiar and secure quarters than these it would be unwise to mention the name of my adoptive motherland.” p. 44
Watson and The Woman then take a train and an autogyro flight to a building in the Arctic called The Fortress. Here, The Woman introduces him to Doc Savage, and leaves after saying the theft is part of a greater plot. Savage takes Watson to meet a number of other men:
“Richard Benson—the Avenger,” said the man in gray.
“Kent Allard—the Shadow,” the hawk-nosed man chuckled grimly.
“Gordon, Yale ’34—my friends call me Flash.”
“Curtis Newton, sir, sometimes known as Captain Future.”
“John Carter, former captain, confederate cavalry.”
“David Innes of Connecticut and the Empire of Pellucidar.”
“Richard Wentworth,” said the second of the black-clad men, “known to some as the Spider.” Even as he shook my hand I detected a look of suspicion and jealousy pass between himself and the man who had identified himself as the Shadow.
And finally, the man in the green clergy suit. “Om,” he intoned making an Oriental sign with his hands before extending one to me in western fashion. “Jethro Dumont of Park Avenue, New York. Also known as Dr. Charles Pali and—the Green Lama. p. 53
We later learn that Holmes and Tarzan were kidnapped at the same time as the theft of the God of the Naked Unicorn. Savage explains:
“The fiend had apparently developed a superscientific device of some sort which reduced the stature of his victims to that of pygmies, and he strode away with poor Holmes under one arm and Greystoke under the other.”
“Yes,” I said encouragingly, “pray continue.”
“Well, Dr. Watson,” Savage resumed, “as the fiend left the Exposition of European Progress he seemed to be mumbling something to himself. I could barely make out what it was he was saying. But it seemed to be something like Angkor Wat, Angkor Wat. But what could that possibly mean, Watson?” p. 58
Savage and Watson then take another autogyro flight to search for the evil genius, first to Angor Wat then to a number of other locations before ending up back at Baker Street. There (spoiler), they find the man they seek—a writer sat in front of a typewriter apparently writing the tale of which they are part. Watson shoots the man: pulp flakes come out of the bullet wound.
If you like the pulp pastiche and superhero references then you’ll probably appreciate this more than I did, but it’s an overlong piece that is mostly description and motion. And the ending is on the same level as “and then I woke up and found it was all a dream.”
(Mediocre). 12,000 words. Archive.org.
1. The Ova Hamlet stories were collected, first in The Ova Hamlet Papers (1979) and then in the expanded The Compleat Ova Hamlet (2009).